Be Strong

I don't even have any art to post, I'm just writing this to keep some sort of record of my life. Joe broke up with me last Wednesday and its over for good as far as my senses of prediction can tell. 3 years weve been together, 8 years we've been best friends. "Devastated" is an understatement. I feel like gravity is only concentrating on the pit of my stomach and heart, like They could just fall out of my body at any moment. I feel like crying ALL of the time and it's ALL I can do to just keep breathing. I feel like I can't live through the next hour, let alone the day, month, year; Especially since it's obvious that he's moved on in such a short span of time. This is a nightmare and I just want to wake up. We had our little problems, every couple does, and I made some mistakes, but I realized it too late. I'm not a blameless victim, I contributed to the downfall, but what I can say is that whatever happened between us, was never unfixable in my eyes. Last night I received a text that he was watching a movie in our apartment with "a friend" I am still kicking myself for responding to his text messages. I turned off my phone for the rest of the night just to keep myself from checking for texts and squash the spark of hope inside my heart for reconciliation. Today I'm feeling more lively, mostly because i'm angry. Angry that I feel this way, Angry that Joe doesn't understand how I feel and doesn't care. I'm angry that I have no choice but to move on when all I ever wanted was him. It's not that the love wasn't there, if we were bitching and fighting all the time I'd feel that this break-up was justified, but the fact that he tells me that he does still love me it confuses me and hurts me all the more when I see that it is CLEARLY over. I have to tell myself every day that I'm worth something even though I don't feel that way and I know everything will be alright. I wanna come back to this post someday and laugh... Maybe someday I will... Be Strong, Ronni. BE STRONG.

No Church in the Wild

I usually don't indulge in sacrilege of any kind, even though I personally don't care for the ideals represented in Catholicism- I still respect people's differing opinions and accept lifestyles that may not reflect my own interests. All that is to disclaim this stripping nun as a creation of my own mind. As offensive as this could be to some out there, it was just a favor and a paycheck to me, so don't take it personal.

The above seemed appropriate.

Clarendon Fitness

SO I'm involved in a few freelance projects at the moment. I've been actually keeping myself really busy with a few clients. One of which I think their branding might be compromised if I post, so I'll just keep that under wraps for now, but you would be proud of me, imaginary blog reader, to know how productive I've been. This here is for Clarendon fitness, obviously. I actually haven't heard back from them since sending the proofs but I hope they like one of these.

Diary Entry: Just to udpate what has been going on in my life for my future self. I'll give ya'll a little rundown of some of the things that have happened the past few weeks. My fever: I got sick in early July from sleeping under the fan at night. Runny nose, fever; nasty stuff which ended up in me taking a day off from my internship. The blackout: In which we lost our power to that huge windstorm that swept up the east coast but the silver lining is that it was in excess of 100 degree weather that whole week so I literally sweat most of the sickness out. Boss Beef: My new GM at Staples is a complete bitch. Yeah I said it. Della will never see this blog and if she ever does: Fuck you, Della! She took me off the schedule for a whole week because I called out AHEAD OF TIME on an insignificant shift. Once again I'd like to firmly re-iterate FUCK YOU, DELLA. During this workless week, the car was robbed whilst I dropped my mother off from the airport and among the contents stolen included, my wallet, Me and bf's smartphones, my ipod, the radio face and the tom-tom, not to mention a smashed driver side window. Monday comes around and I cant work at the office of my internship because the laptop I've been using is now being used by my bf at HIS new job, so I miss those days of work. After all of this- The big, red, giant cherry on the cake is stress of all this and more weighing on my relationship between my bf and I. I know I shouldn't complain. There are people in the world who are dying, and so I am grateful to God that I have my health and some income (just not this past week), but fuck you Satan, you are a liar. Seriously... Fuck you. End Rant.