To Better days.
Not a good day... Not a good day at all. I was doing alright for about 2 weeks and now I'm dipping back into the pit. I'm hoping I come back up again.
Posts
Epiphany
I had an epiphany today. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my heart and I'm going to be okay. Thanks to all my friends and family who lent me a shoulder to cry on. But most of all I thank GOD. The internal struggle was too much to bear at times and no matter what anyone said, I couldn't get past that. On the darkest days when I felt like I didn't have the strength to even breathe, god gave me the strength to push on. Anyone who knows me knows I'm not a super religious person but I will say I've always had faith. I've never been one to discount the belief in a higher power or intelligence, whether its one being, a collection of many, a spirit, the tao or karma- I don't know and I don't claim to but whatever god is and GOD definitely IS. He/she/it is great in my book. Faith truly does heal and I feel blessed to have experienced it.
Today is not such a good day.
It was getting a little bit easier by the day, just a little bit until that day I moved my stuff out. I thought "Now that I have nothing to go back home for, there will be no reason to come back to this place of hurt" but no. You had to tell me you still loved me and missed me. How do you think that made me feel? I am trying not to cling to any shreds of hope anymore and yet you continually say things to rekindle the spark. You KNOW I still love you, if you really don't want me to hold out any hope for us, stop telling me that you love me. I'm so confused and torn about the words you say versus your actions. Your actions don't emulate a person who loves, misses or even cares about me in the slightest, but your words say just that. You are lost, confused, ashamed and possibly even afraid of what you're becoming, and every day I feel like the man I fell in love with dies a little bit more. I know you'd say don't blame her. It has nothing to do with her,
