Be Strong

I don't even have any art to post, I'm just writing this to keep some sort of record of my life. Joe broke up with me last Wednesday and its over for good as far as my senses of prediction can tell. 3 years weve been together, 8 years we've been best friends. "Devastated" is an understatement. I feel like gravity is only concentrating on the pit of my stomach and heart, like They could just fall out of my body at any moment. I feel like crying ALL of the time and it's ALL I can do to just keep breathing. I feel like I can't live through the next hour, let alone the day, month, year; Especially since it's obvious that he's moved on in such a short span of time. This is a nightmare and I just want to wake up. We had our little problems, every couple does, and I made some mistakes, but I realized it too late. I'm not a blameless victim, I contributed to the downfall, but what I can say is that whatever happened between us, was never unfixable in my eyes. Last night I received a text that he was watching a movie in our apartment with "a friend" I am still kicking myself for responding to his text messages. I turned off my phone for the rest of the night just to keep myself from checking for texts and squash the spark of hope inside my heart for reconciliation. Today I'm feeling more lively, mostly because i'm angry. Angry that I feel this way, Angry that Joe doesn't understand how I feel and doesn't care. I'm angry that I have no choice but to move on when all I ever wanted was him. It's not that the love wasn't there, if we were bitching and fighting all the time I'd feel that this break-up was justified, but the fact that he tells me that he does still love me it confuses me and hurts me all the more when I see that it is CLEARLY over. I have to tell myself every day that I'm worth something even though I don't feel that way and I know everything will be alright. I wanna come back to this post someday and laugh... Maybe someday I will... Be Strong, Ronni. BE STRONG.