I don’t know what the fuck to believe. I shouldn’t have done the thing. I know I shouldn’t have. Because it never changes anything. It just serves to make me miserable as I was when I was last in a “relationship”.
How heavy my mind and heart in conjunction must be to have the impact of hate manifested in feral anger management issues, in my peers is a new one for me.
In the past I had avoided gen-contact for the sake of keeping peace and now it’s as if I am starting fires by refraining from doing the thing, and “cheating” people out of some kind of vicarious high.
It will only get worse. It would be nice to be rescued, but I don’t think that’s how this story goes, or it would have happened by now.
I never saw enlightenment being so lonely, but I suppose I should have anticipated it. So I keep trying to light another wick, but everyone is afraid it will make them into Gods.
That it’s too much responsibility for people who like to rely on the “only human” excuse for their existence.
I have feelings. I get sad. I smile, I laugh, I cry (rarely) and My rage is fortified. My rage is under such restraint that I am radioactive. Literally or figuratively, It’s hard to tell. Stranger things have happened.
