Life:I 've been pretty good about maintaining this blog since I graduated college in 2008. Hell, I put more art up here than I do on my official portfolio sites. But since Tumblr kinda overtook Blogger in the realm of popularity at some point, I never really advertised this outlet for a few reasons. Number one, this blog somewhat doubles as a journal and gets really personal at times. Number two, most times I'm just doodling or sketching and most of the work I post, I don't think is good enough quality to pass off as portfolio-worthy.
That being said, I am pretty proud to say I've been consistent for 8 years with this. This blog has seen some tough times, heartbreak, the rise and fall of my professional career and so on; so this blog has become more to me than just a Sketchblog. It's literally a visually documented path of my life after college.I've grown a lot as a person over the past 8 years, in ways that I had never expected. In my optimistic collegiate outline of "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" I never would have guessed I'd be where I am right now. I guessed I'd have a great professional career as a Graphic Artist at some big corporation like Disney doing concept art for movies or video games, but things
Right now I'm sitting in a library in Copenhagen,Denmark, trying to think of a way to get some freelance work. Why am I in Denmark, of all places? Well, two years ago I made my first maiden voyage out of my home country, which I recorded in surface detail here.
What I left out was that I actually chose this location to visit a boy I met online and completely fell for. The reason I never mentioned it was because the first time I came, we never actually got the chance to meet.
After returning home from that inexplicably weird first trip 2 years ago, I was obviously disappointed. But I made it a point not to really talk about it, because other people's opinions on the matter were mostly negative and urging me to cut him off entirely. But I never really got over it.Despite the fact that we fell out over this, I still had these feelings. I knew how everyone else felt about the situation so I decided to just stop talking about him to curb the unsolicited advice of everyone saying I should kick him to the curb. Two years passed and we still kept in touch. My life has changed drastically in that time, in a lot of ways, but financially speaking, it has gotten a lot more unstable.
I quit my second stint at Staples in Novermber 2015 when my supervisor kept doing things to sabotage me while working and none of my higher ups did anything to help or stop it, despite my complaints. As I was hired I increased the productivity of that store by a considerable profit margin and though I was only there for about 5 months, I wasn't actively seeking a promotion. I was just good at my job and made her look bad in comparison because she was unorganized. I finally got fed up to the breaking point and fled. Just didn't show up to work one day and never came back. As if that wasn't bad enough, I also left the city of DC and moved back to Michigan, where my family is. I told no one.
I have never been an impulsive person, but I had reached a breaking point with my overworked underpaid job, in which I was constantly being reprimanded for following procedure and protocol and then going home to my unbearable living situation, which I could not afford on what I was making. The entire past two years, my goal was to save up enough to go back and try and meet him again. And though I kept this mostly to myself, I still would get unsolicited advice and opinions from others that I shouldn't do this for reasons concerning pride. To which I say:
I am aware how foolish it sounds, but after moving back to Michigan in the dead of winter, all I could think about is how cold my bed was every night I went to sleep. Ironically enough, nobody even noticed I had left DC, except for my coworkers at Staples.
It was a miserable, long cold winter. I stayed with my aunt in Port Huron (the fucking boonies) for a time, working on Legendaery to try and drum up a following and do some conmmission based portraits, but these things take time. My aunt had this rusty old Mercedes, just sitting in the driveway that I was supposed to be driving. She sold the car to my mother some time ago and assured us both it was in working condition. It wasn't.
Most of the time I was there, I spent looking for jobs on the internet because I didn't have a working vehicle. She refused to let me drive her car at all and it was like pulling teeth to even get her to take me to the grocery store (which she couldn't even be bothered to wait for me). She finally ran out of patience around April and decided that I wasn't doing enough, and I needed to clear out my things in one day, without notice, so she could have her 3 empty bedrooms back. She finally decided to go to the DMV and do the (title transfer, insurance, plates) and once that was done, charged the unsecured battery and sent me on my way in a car with no brakes, because it was just so critical that I had to leave that day. Why? I don't know. She initially told me I'd have to leave the 18th, and I was preparing for that but on the 11th she just couldn't take me silently sitting on my computer in my room anymore and needed me gone, I guess.
I did as I was bid, because who wants to stay where they are not wanted? I packed up all my stuff in 3-4 hours while she continually asked me what was taking so long while watching me pack. She insisted I follow her on the freeway down to Detroit. When we got to the city, I hit a pothole that ruptured the brake line. The dashboard started buzzing and blinking haywire and all the lights came on, but I was so close to my destination, (3 blocks away) I kept going. Even though we had gotten separated, she didn't pull over or stop to wait for me to catch up, and at the final left turn onto my street, a car sped through the intersection nearly t-boning me as my car with no brakes couldn't stop. I am lucky to be alive. Once I got to the house, she wasn't there. I don't know where she could've possibly been, or how she could have gotten lost 4 blocks away, yet she pulls up about 2 minutes later and I'm just like "Did you know the brakes didn't work?!"
She did. But since I didn't actually die, no harm no foul. I am emotionally devastated upon arrival, and my room's not ready, because no notice was given. But nobody really cares and they just leave me to babysit my little cousins without asking. Worst day ever.
At this point, I'm jobless, I'm living off Ramen noodles and I am just really depressed. I want to sell the car and buy one that has less miles on it, but my mom won't allow it. It's $2600.00 to get it fixed and my mom expects me to pay her back. I'm getting it from all sides. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. And for a time, I was looking for a job again to save up and make another trip. But after a year-long tug of war with the IRS, I finally got my tax refund and that was all the money I had in the world. I bought a one-way ticket to Copenhagen. I meant to book it round trip but you know how unforgiving airlines can be. They didn't refund me or change my itinerary. Oh well. I couldn't let that ticket go to waste. I waited so long. That was on June 2nd.
I finally met him. He is taller than I thought and his eyes are like mirrors. Expectations exceeded, but its not ideal. I kinda crash landed here and the day we met, he actally came to see me after he got robbed and got 1500 DKK worth of transit tickets, So, he doesn't have the means to help me. I am trying to find work, but being a foreign national makes it extremely hard to get a job without a work permit (which they won't grant you unless you are making a certain amount of money or in a specialized field). I have just been couchsurfing and looking for work. I have met so many nice people here who are willing to help and I don't want to go home, but I know that I can't stay here if I can't find a way to make income. I actually did get a job too- doing housekeeping at a hotel, but its only on the weekends for now... I am trying everything- thus what brings me back to the beginning of this post with the social media stuffs. I have some friends in Germany and Sweden, but its all very precarious. I am okay though. I'm not afraid and I know my way around the city pretty well after being here only a week or so. My phone doesn't work unless there is wifi though and it's not ideal... But I still feel better here than when I was at home... I hope I can find the means to stay a while. Even if its just for a couple months.
